p - : ~ Pr ~t l CTA i3 ~ (St65)

OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE
VIA COMPUTER

Reinhold Aman

Computer networks can be used to gather ~nforrnation from
throughout the world. Unlilce in traditional f~eldwork, one
does not h~ve to interview informants personally but simply
posts a query, or an ent~re questionnaire, on the electronic
brllletzn board (BB), and the users respond. BB's make this
novel way of collecting data and responding easy: one calls
the BB's number and leaves one's response. The qu`al~ty
and range of the responses depend on the precision of the
questions asked, as well as on the type of user. Naturally,
one can ask onIy those who have a computer and modem,
which soverely restricts the f~eld of infc~rmants. However,
these ~nformants can gather information locally from those
lacking such equipment and send it to the BB.

	Henry Birdseye's "The IJnknown BBS'? (.oo ~` iL
7- Q'6, ') is such a system for collecting information. It runs
at 300 and 1200 baud and contains about one-quarter
milIion characters' worth of lcakological riddles, jokos, and
other offensive IangTlage. It can be reached 24 hours a day
by calling (303) 988 ř15~. ( 6 12~) -532 C - 8a 71~

	To test the usefulness of his system, Mr. Birdseye asked
his BB users about terms for masturbation, urination, and
vomiting. He did not request other essential information
from the inforrnants, such as their sex, age, geographic Ic~ca-
tion, education, profession, etc., bur the simple data beloNv
prove tbat such a BB system can be usod successfally. To
transmit the information gathered to others, one can either
call up the BB and download it (h~ve ~t sent ~y telephone
to one's own computer), or ask for a printout, which ~ did.

Following bel~w are the terms, after organizing and a~pha-
betizing the raw data.

	to masturbate (of females): beat the beaver, huttonhole,
clap your clit, cook cucumbers, grease the gash, hide the
hotHog, hit the slit' hose your hole, juice your sluice, make
waves [from "the (little) man in the boat" = clitoris?], pet
the poodle, slam the clam, stump-,ump.

	to masturbate (of m`~es): beat the bishop, beat your littde
brother, beat the meat, burp the worm, botter your corn,
choke the chicken, clean your rille, consult Dr. Jerkoff,
crank your shank, dink your slinky, feol ~n your pocket for
your big hairy rocket, f~le your fun-rod, fist your mister,
Dex your sex, nOg the dolphin, flog your dog, grease your
pipe, hack your maclc, hump your hose, jerlcin, the gherkin,
milk the chicken, Onan's Olympics (n.), one-stick drum
improvisation (n. ), pack your palm, paint your cciling, play
a flute solo on your meat whistle, play the male organ,
please your pisser, point your social finger, polish your
sword, paund the pud, ponnd your flounder, prompt your
porpoise, prune the fifth limb, puT1 the pope, pull your taf~r,
run your hand up the flagpole, shine your pole, shoot the
tadpoles, slakin' the bacon, slam your hammer, slam your
Spam, slap your wapper, spank the monicey, spank the
sal~mi, strike the pink match, stroke the dog, stroke your
poker, talk with Rosy Palm r~ld her five little sisters, tickle
yollr pic~cle, thump your pumper, tweak your twinkie,
unclog the pipes, varnish your pole, walk the dog, watch
the eyelid mo~,ies, wax your dolphin, whip your dripper,
whizzin'jizzum, wonk your conker, yang your wang, yank
the yam, yank your crank.

	to urinate: bleed the liver, drain the dragon, drain the
(main) vein, get rid of the bladder matter, siphon the
python, visit Miss Murphy.

	to vomit: drive the big white bus, hug the porcelain,
kneel before the porcelain throne, pray to the porcelain
gods, school lunch rerun (n.), technicolor rerun (n.),
upchuck.

Wegen jugendgef~ihrdenden lnhalts s~nd
bis Ende 1987 im Bundesgebiet 64 Compu-
ter- und Telespiele auf den Index gesetzt.
worden.

Killer-Programm

1. Computer im Sterben

Von HENRY KOEHLERT

Man sieht es richt, mcn riecht es nicht und kein Ex-
oerte konnte es ouihc~lten - ein ,Killer-Programm"
hat sich wie ein Virus in den Zentrc~l-Computer der
Universitat von lerusalem eingenistet und zerstort
dort nc~ch und noch alle gespeicherten For-
~chungsergebnisse. Computer-Chef Isroel Racini
errechnete: "Wenn oiles so weiter geht, wetden
ann 13. Mai af/e Systeme zusornr.-enbrechen." Das
heiát: OerComro~ter stirbt.

	Und: Uber dos weltweite Datenaustauschsy-
stenn EARN kann sich das "Killer-Programm" aus
Isroel ouch in unsere deutschen Forschungs-Com-
auter (rund 200) einschleichen und auch oort
boten vernichten Weltweit sind 6000 Groárechner
in Gefahr

	Alles begar~n om 19. Dezember. Isroel Rodni:
, Uber 30 Assistenten und Professoren merkten es
gleichzeitiq PlotzLich brnuchte der Computer fr
einfache Rechenaufgaben in 8iologie, Chemie

~nd Physik lnger. Dcuerte fruher ein Rechenvor- I
gc~ng drei Minuten, sind's jet1t 15 Minuten Toglich

w~rd er langsomer, r-

	Wos wor passiert? tin Saboleur tHackeri hotte
aLle Sicherungen des Computers (Codeworter)
berwunden und sein "Killer-Progranom" einge-
tippt Radai- "Das Programrn wirkt wie eine Zeit-
bembe Erst wenn man 30 Minuten rechnet wird es
oktiv. In das System einer Handelsbonk und bei
zwei Versicherungen ist es ouch schor eingedrun-

gen Der verhoerer~dste Foll von Sabotage." Das
"Killer-Progromm''kann sogor schan unentdeckt in
deutschen Compusern schlummern weil alle Groá-
rechner Jber TeJefonleitungen rn;teinander ver-

..__dA^e...~

. .~., ,., &~.

Pltzlich alle Daten weg?

	Prafessor Andreas Reuler (58), Direktor des
Stuttgarter Informotik-lnstituts: "Dnten, die wir
gestern errechnet haben, konnten heute piotzlich
wec~ sein." MonfrAd ReitberOer (48), Leiter des
Rechenzentrums am Mox-Pronck-lnstitut M~in-
chen- An unserem Rechner hongen alle Vn,-
Compuier der Staafr. Wir hoben unsere Benurzer
ge waror "

