What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind
 at all. How true that is.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle winning friends while
                    speaking to the United Negro College Fund

 You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy
 campers you have been, and, as far as I am concerned, happy campers you
 will always be.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle, to the American Samoans,
                    whose capital Quayle pronounces "Pogo Pogo"

 Quayle stumbled in response to a question about his opinion of the
 Holocaust. He said it was "an obscene period in our nation's history."
 Then, trying to clarify his remark, Quayle said he meant "this century's
 history" and added a confusing comment. "We all lived in this century,
 I didn't live in this century," he said.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 We expect them [Salvadoran officials] to work toward the elimination
 of human rights.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 El Salvador is a democracy so it's not surprising that there are many voices
 to be heard here. Yet in my conversations with Salvadorans... I have heard a
 single voice.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and
 democracy - but that could change.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president,
 and that one word is 'to be prepared'.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 (On the farm policy)
 I come from Indiana, which is a farm state. Deficiency payments -
 which are the key - that is what gets money into the farmer's hands.
 We got loan, uh, rates, we got target, uh, prices, uh, I have worked
 very closely with my senior colleague, (Indiana Sen.) Richard Lugar,
 making sure that the farmers of Indiana are taken care of.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle on being asked to
                    define the term "target prices."
                    Quayle's press secretary then cut short the press
                    conference, after two minutes and 30 seconds.


 I not going to focus on what I have done in the past
 what I stand for, what I articulate to the American people.
 The American people will judge me on what I am saying and what I
 have done in the last 12 years in the Congress.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 I want to be Robin to Bush's Batman.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 We should develop anti-satellite weapons because we could not have prevailed
 without them in 'Red Storm Rising'.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 The US has a vital interest in that area of the country.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle Referring to Latin America.

 Japan is an important ally of ours. Japan and the United States of
 the Western industrialized capacity, 60 percent of the GNP,
 two countries. That's a statement in and of itself.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 Who would have predicted... that Dubcek, who brought the tanks in in
 Czechoslovakia in 1968 is now being proclaimed a hero in Czechoslovakia.
 Unbelievable.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle
                    Actually, Dubcek was the leader of the Prague Spring.

 May our nation continue to be the beakon of hope to the world.
                 -- The Quayle's 1989 Christmas card.
                    [Not a beacon of literacy, though.]

 Well, it looks as if the top part fell on the bottom part.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to
                    the collapsed section of the 880 freeway after
                    the San Francisco earthquake of 1989.
                    [this may be a joke; the source is unclear.
                       but it's still funny]

 We're getting [cruise missles] more accurate so that we can have precise
 precision.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle referring to his legislative
                    work dealing with cruise missles

 I can identify with steelworkers. I can identify with workers that
 have had a difficult time.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle addressing workers at
                    an Ohio steel plant,1988

 [I will never have] another Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy,
 Jimmy Carter, Jimmy Carter grain embargo, Jimmy Carter grain embargo.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle during the Benson debate

 Certainly, I know what to do, and when I am Vice President -- and
 I will be -- there will be contingency plans under different sets of
 situations and I tell you what, I'm not going to go out and hold a news
 conference about it. I'm going to put it in a safe and keep it there! Does
 that answer your question?
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle when asked what he
                    would do if he assumed the Presidency,1988

 Lookit, I've done it their way this far and now it's my turn. I'm
 my own handler. Any questions? Ask me ... There's not going to be any more
 handler stories because I'm the handler ... I'm Doctor Spin.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle responding to press reports of
                    his aides having to, in effect, "potty train" him.

 I would guess that there's adequate low-income housing in this
 country.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 The real question for 1988 is whether we're going to go forward to
 tomorrow or past to the -- to the back!
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 We will invest in our people, quality education, job opportunity,
 family, neighborhood, and yes, a thing we call America.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

 We'll let the sunshine in and shine on us, because today we're
 happy and tomorrow we'll be even happier.
         Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

 We're going to have the best-educated American people in the
 world.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

 This election is about who's going to be the next President of the
 United States!
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle, 1988

     Don't forget about the importance of the family. It begins with
 the family. We're not going to redefine the family. Everybody knows the
 definition of the family. [Meaningful pause] A child. [Meaningful pause] A
 mother. [Meaningful pause] A father. There are other arrangements of the
 family, but that is a family and family values.
     I've been very blessed with wonderful parents and a wonderful
 family, and I am proud of my family. Anybody turns to their family. I have
 a very good family. I'm very fortunate to have a very good family. I
 believe very strongly in the family. It's one of the things we have in
 want to say thank you. The first would be our family. Your family, my
 family -- which is composed of an immediate family of a wife and three
 have our family, whichever that may be ... The very beginnings of
 civilization, the very beginnings of this country, goes back to the family.
 And time and time again, I'm often reminded, especially in this
 Presidential campaign, of the importance of a family, and what a family
 means to this country. And so when you pay thanks I suppose the first thing
 that would come to mind would be to thank the Lord for the family.
         -- Vice President Dan Quayle

