cd
                AIRLINES
c5
    Commercial air travel, outside of
the overpriced, first class cabin, is
like a bus trip with an aerial view. It
has both good points and bad. I thought
I'd put together a list of each.
c9
          THINGS I DON'T LIKE
c1

   Salad dressing containers pressur-
   ized to 10,000 p.s.i., so that it's
impossible to break the seal without
propelling half the contents onto your
suit.

   The way they mix drinks: Fill the
glass up seven eighths to the top with
mix, then pour the liquor on top so it
sits there. (It can't be mixed because
instead of individual ice cubes there 
is a miniature iceberg floating in the
drink.)

   The flight attendant who walks up
the aisle just before takeoff ordering
you to put your seat upright. Sup-
posedly you are safer that way in case
of a crash. I don't care. This is the
most uncomfortable position ever
devised. It was probably concieved to
extract information from prisoners.

   Seats where the reclining mechanism 
doesn't work so that thay can't be
moved from the upright position.

   Anyone who sits in the middle seat.
Even worse: Having to sit in the middle
seat yourself.

   Anyone with a bladder condition who
asks for a window seat.

   The little kid in the seat in front
of you who keeps bouncing against his
seat spilling your drink all over the
papers on your tray table.

   The little kid behind you who keeps
digging his feet into you through the
back of your seat.

   Little kids on airplanes in general.
The first law of air travel reads:
The proximity of a screaming child to
you in an airplane will be directly
proportional to the importance of the
highly technical reading material you
must fully digest for a crucial
business meeting at your destination. 

   People who bring the Sunday New York
Times into the lavatory with them.

   The red carbon paper on the back of
airline tickets that, after you put the
ticket in your inside coat pocket, gets
all over your white shirt. This
smearing bears a striking resemblance
to lipstick, that, if your a married
man, must be explained.

   People in line in front of you who
decide to have the ticket agent book
all the flight's the're going to take
for the rest of their lives, as you
watch your plane pulling away from the
gate.

   Phone inquiries answered by the
ticket agent while your waitng in line.
(why doesn't the caller have to wait in
line?)

   Pilots who think the're tour guides.
JUST FLY THE BLASTED PLANE!!!

(Everything they point out is on the
other side of the airplane anyway.)

   Making connections through Atlanta.
Who was it that said: "It doesn't
matter whether you're going to Heaven
or Hell; you still have to change
planes in Atlanta"?


ca
             THINGS I LIKE:


   c2          
   Honey roasted nuts

c5
                   Micheal Rosen
