     (3) Flow Charts of FUN!                      stolen from cci and tabnet

    Date: 6:45 pm  Sun Feb 8, 1998         Number : 58 of 63
    From: Felt-Pen Fingers!                Base   : tabnet: butterfly.net
    Stat: Sent                             Origin : 08 Feb 98  16:15:29

            Not too deep. Kissing in a less-than-platonic manner is enough to
     get you drawn onto the flow chart. Cooties are very infectious. In fact,
     they spread across time and space.

            Let's think up a hypothetical situation.

            Happydude, a tabber, is dating Sabreena The Teenage Witch, a langley
     chatboarder.  We would draw that like this:

                    Happydude ============== Sabreena The Teenage Witch

            During their relationship, Happydude has a brief stint of drug-
     induced "unfaithfulness" and makes out with Aurora Borealis, another tabber.
     This would be drawn like this:

                    Happydude ============== Sabreena The Teenage Witch
                        \
                         \
                          Aurora Borealis

            Aurora Borealis, in turn, has previously dated/slept with three
     other tabbers.

                    Happydude ============== Sabreena The Teenage Witch
                        \
                         \
      Sir Ganja  ========= Aurora Borealis ========== King of Pudding
      Don Quixote ========/

            This implicates Sabreena in all the comings and goings of NOT ONLY
     Happydude, to whom she has been completely faithful, but also of Aurora,
     Sir Ganja, Don Quixote, and King of Pudding (a notorious womanizer).
     Furthermore, before he started seeing Sabreena, Happydude had a brief
     homosexual encounter with The Lavender Menace.

            The Lavender Menace
                      !
                      !
                      !
                      Happydude ============== Sabreena The Teenage Witch
                          \
                           \
        Sir Ganja  ========= Aurora Borealis ========== King of Pudding
        Don Quixote ========/

            Eventually, Sabreena herself, jaded by the internal quarrels and
     soap operas that taint her efnet family, seeks solace in the arms of the
     mysterious and guarded individual known only as The Great Prophet of the
     Qu'ran.

            The Lavender Menace            Great Prophet of the Qu'ran
                      !                                  |
                      !                                  |
                      !                                  |
                      Happydude ============== Sabreena The Teenage Witch
                          \
                           \
        Sir Ganja  ========= Aurora Borealis ========== King of Pudding
        Don Quixote ========/

            Happydude responds by weeping on the expansive bosom of King of
       Pudding's ex-lover, Malefica.

           The Lavender Menace            Great Prophet of the Qu'ran
                     !                                  |
                     !                                  |
                     !                                  |
                    Happydude ============== Sabreena The Teenage Witch
                        \  \.
                         \   \___ Malefica ========\
                          \                         \
      Sir Ganja  ========= Aurora Borealis ========== King of Pudding
      Don Quixote ========/

            As you can see, it only gets more complicated from hereon in.
     Eventually, Skankin' Poultry, another tabber, sees it fit to point out
     to all concerned just how riddled they are with cooties. She draws up a
     very incomplete flowchart and is beaten about the head with those
     inflatable Edvard Munch "Scream" toys by unpleased audience members who
     do not enjoy seeing their sexual pasts reduced to enneagrams.

            At a tension-filled meet where three different couples pair off and
     make out in corners (much to the chagrin of The Lonely Hunter, who writes
     sheer volumes of poetry on the event and posts them in the Cabbage Base),
     Skankin' Poultry is poisoned by a particularily insidious batch of Blue.
     Her hands, feet, and teeth are removed and incinerated, and her body
     interred in one of the Metrotown planters.  She dies regretting that she
     never shared even a chaste kiss with the unrequited love of her life, Mr.
     Poodle, who is currently attached to Voluminous Lola, another of King of
     Pudding's conquests, etc. etc.

     * Origin: "Hello, nice to meet you." "FUCK YOU!" (31:3373/0)

    Date: 10:20 am  Wed Feb 25, 1998       Number : 11 of 14
    From: Sexy                             Base   : (cci) Lit
    Stat: Sent                             Origin : 24 Feb 98  16:16:30

    Hiya...

    A typical hacker's morning wake up.

     __________       ___________  "What's a   ___________________       _______
    | Are there| No  | Are there |  hamper?"  | Are there clothes | No  |  Buy  |
    |clothes in|-+-->|clothes in |-+--+--+--->| strewn in random  |-+-->|  more |
    | dresser? |     |the hamper?|            |piles on the floor?|     |clothes|
     -+--+--+--       -+--+--+---              -+--+--+--+--+--+--       -+--+--
         | Yes             | Yes                       | Yes
         +-+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+-
         |
         V
     _______________
    | Take whatever |
    |   is on top   |
     -+--+--+--+--+-           ________________________
         |                    |                        |
         V                    V                        |
     -+--+---  No         -+--+--+-               -+--+--+---
    |   Is   |-+--+--+-->| Perform | "Ohmigosh"  |  Spray    |
    |   it   | Not sure  |  smell  |-+--+--+--+->|   with    |
    | clean? |-+--+--+-->|  test   |             | deodorant |
     -+--+---             -+--+--+-               -+--+--+---
         | Yes                | "Not bad"
         +-+--+--+--+--+--+---
         |
         V
     ______________                    _________                _____________
    |For underwear:| "Which ones are  |Will they| "I may get   |Place item on|
    |Are there many|   for my legs?"  |   be    |  arrested."  | dirty pile; |
    |    holes?    |-+--+--+--+--+--->| visible?|-+--+--+--+-->| start over  |
     -+--+--+--+---                    -+--+--+-                -+--+--+--+--
         | No                              | No
         +-+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+-
         |
         V
     _________        ____________        ___________________________________
    |  Is it  | Yes  |   Do you   | Yes  |But would you rather have a tick on|
    |wrinkled?|-+--->|really care?|-+--->|  your eyeball than iron a shirt?  |
     -+--+--+-        -+--+--+--+-        -+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+---
         | No              | No                           | Yes
         +-+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+-
         |
         V                                     _________
     ________  Kinda             _______      | Seek the|         _______
    |  Does  |-+--+--+--+--+--->| Is it | No  |  advice |        |  What |
    |   it   | "Does it what?"  |  dark |-+-->|  of the |-+--+-->|   is  |
    | match? |-+--+--+--+--+--->|  out? |     | opposite|        |  sex? |
     -+--+---                    -+--+--      |   sex   |         -+--+--
         | Yes                      | Yes      -+--+--+-
         +-+--+--+--+--+--+--+--+---
         |                                ______________________
         |                               |                      |
         V                               V                      |
     -+--+--+--                -+--+--+--+--+--+-           -+--+--+--
    |  Put on  |              | Go  to  keyboard |         |  Go  to  |
    | clothes! |-+--+--+--+-->|  for daily fix   |-+--+--->| bathroom |
     -+--+--+--                -+--+--+--+--+--+-           -+--+--+--

     * Origin: þ H.I.C. & D.B.S. þ Powered by OS/2 Warp v4.0 þ (66:3030/0)